


I'm Slipping

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nightmares, Past Rape/Non-con, Sara Lance Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 11:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14163558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: It was for the mission. In a toss up between her personal comfort and saving the world, she'd choose to save the world every time. But still. That didn't mean she couldn't still feel the man's fingers, lingering a little too long, or hear the threatening words he whispered in her ear.It only meant that she had to keep a better hold of herself, to keep herself from snapping his neck right then and there. Because his actions were his own, but her brain screamedIvo, Ivo, Ivo.





	I'm Slipping

**Author's Note:**

> I keep writing really Angsty Sara fics, sorry. I hope you like to cry.
> 
> This one is kinda darker but Sara's gonna have to deal with all those emotions at some point, ya know...
> 
> contains **reference to past rape/non-con**

 

It was for the mission. In a toss up between her personal comfort and saving the world, she'd choose to save the world every time. But still.  That didn't mean she couldn't still feel the man's fingers, lingering a little too long, or hear the threatening words he whispered in her ear . 

It only meant that she had to keep a better hold of herself, to keep herself from snapping his neck right then and there. Because his actions were his own, but still her brain screamed _Ivo, Ivo, Ivo_.

But the mission was a success, so she'd pushed the memories it had dragged up deep, deep down, hoping no one else had seen the way she tensed when Nate clapped her on the shoulder, or how hard she'd had to fight to keep herself from pinning a knife against his throat .

Once again, Sara woke up gasping, clawing at her throat as she tried to breathe,  frantically trying to free herself from the tangle of sheets she was wrapped in .  She  faintly heard someone reassuring her she was safe, but her hands still shook, and she could still feel the phantom hands ghosting across her body .

_ Get away. Get away from me. _

__

_ You belong to me now. _

Someone pressed a hand against her shoulder, and she flinched, still trembling, her words choked as she hissed 'Get away from me .'

The hand vanished, and she realised far to late that it was  just Ava, trying her best to comfort her. _Not now._

'Sara?'  The other woman asked, but Sara  just shook her head  repeatedly , pressing herself into the corner of the bed, as far away as she could get . 'Sara, please talk to me.'

She shook her head again, gasped 'I can't do this right now,' and watched as the other woman nodded,  slowly , confusion evident on her face. 

 

_I can't._

Suddenly , Sara got up from the bed, unable to take Ava's worried glances for any longer, aware that she must look like a mess - red eyes, messy hair, and a frantic, panicked look in her eyes . 'I - '

Sara broke off, aware of the tremor in her voice. She rubbed her hands across her face, took a deep breath and tried again; 'I need to take a shower.'

 

_You can't get rid of me._

The look Ava gave her was so caring, so loving that she felt her heart tear apart. She deserved so, so much more than Sara could give her.

No.

She'd tried pushing her away, and that had  just hurt them both, almost  irreparably .

She  just needed some space.

'Sara?' Ava said  softly , and once she had got the blonde's attention, asked 'Do you want me to go?'

_Yes. Leave while you can,_  a voice whispered, but she ignored it, shaking her head yet again.

She didn't mean for her voice to sound as small, desperate, as she begged 'please don't leave,' and the way Ava's expression softened even more twisted the knife that was already in her heart .

'I'll be right here,' Ava assured her, voice thick with an emotion that she didn't quite understand, and Sara mumbled her thanks, backing away to the shower .

When she finally made her way back to the her room, skin red and only  slightly more  emotionally stable, she  was surprised to see Ava still in her bed, reading; and then immediately felt guilty for her shock . Ava wasn't the kind of person to go back on her promises. 

Even when she made said promises to a trembling and traumatised ex-assassin.

Seeing her enter the room, Ava put a bookmark in her book and placed it on the bedside table, smiling at Sara, who crept round to the other side of the bed and slipped between the covers .  Ava rolled over to face her, and she could feel the other woman's scrutiny, no doubt taking in her tired eyes and raw skin, from trying too hard to erase the marks her past had left on her skin - both visible and invisible.

Ava reached out a hand, stopping before she reached Sara's to murmur 'Is this okay?' 

Her eyes shone with sincerity, and Sara felt tears well up in her own, begging them not to fall as she nodded her head. 'Yeah.'

When Ava's fingers finally brushed against hers, she let out the breath she'd been holding, clasping  tightly onto the other woman as she ran her thumb across her knuckles, murmuring reassurances about being _safe_  and  _loved_ .

And when she heard Ava ask if she wanted to talk, she shook her head again, gripping her hands tighter as if she could somehow keep the memories at bay .  Tears still burned at the back of her eyes, but she  stubbornly kept them there, until Ava brought their entwined hands up to her mouth to press an  impossibly soft kiss against her skin, at which point they began to fall, and there was nothing she could do to stop them . 

'Oh, Sara,' Ava murmured, brushing some stray hair out of her eyes.  Sara's self restraint snapped and she lurched herself forwards, the need to feel finally overcoming the need not to .  Feeling her partner's arms come up to surround her, to keep her safe, she heard Ava ask her again if this was okay, which only encouraged more tears to fall .  She  honestly couldn't remember the last time someone had cared this much about keeping her safe, whatever the personal cost of it .

She sniffed, letting out a forced, shaky laugh, looking up at Ava.  She was certain that her eyes were full of gratitude, but she needed to make sure Ava knew  just how much this mattered to her .  'Aves,' she began, taking a deep breath, the occasional tear still escaping down her cheek, 'I know I'm not great at expressing my emotions . Like,  really not good.'

Ava raised an eyebrow, and she allowed herself a small smile, continuing in a quiet voice 'I know you've read my file, and you know things, and you're super clever so you can  probably connect the dots . But I'm - I'm not ready to talk about this. And  honestly ,  I don't think I will be at any point  in the near future .'

She saw Ava nod at her  reassuringly , and bit her lip. 'I  just want to thank you for not pushing it. And for caring about me. And - thank you for not leaving, even though I  probably freaked you out.'

Sara looked up at Ava to find her looking deep into her eyes, expression open and caring and _loving_. She reached a hand up to cup the smaller woman's face, drawing it closer to her so she could hear the words she murmured. 'Sara, I'll be here as long as you'll let me.'

She bent down to press a tender kiss to her forehead, pulling away only to look Sara dead in the eyes. 'You never have to tell me anything you don't want to. That's a promise.'

Sara closed her eyes  briefly  in a desperate attempt not to let Ava see how much that meant to her, but the vulnerable look on her face told her that she'd failed on that front . Ava tugged Sara closer, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. 'I love you, Sara Lance.'

Sara looked back at her, eyes red, tear tracks half-dried down her cheeks, yet completely and  utterly perfect as she gave a soft smile . 'I love you too.'

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on twitter @Cffe_and_Arrows


End file.
